Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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