So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
sarcasm needs its own font
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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