I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
