If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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