Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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