Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
