would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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