You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
