nut hugger
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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