his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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