I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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