You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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