Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
