office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
