I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
