i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
