Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
