just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
