Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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