remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
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