Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
