Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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