he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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