i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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