i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
