i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
