Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
