Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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