she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
from now on my penis is your penis
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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