I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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