I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
