In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
