What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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