im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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