I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
