I am spending my child support on dildos
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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