i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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