So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
