Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
