Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
