Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
