She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
