I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If that was your dad, he is hot
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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