my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
