I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
