He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
