after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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