I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
