i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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