i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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