I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
