According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
