Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
