She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
