I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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