how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
