I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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