i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
