i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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