There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
