i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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