The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
