i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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