Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
