More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
