yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
