I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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