I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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