May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
