He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
