She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
