i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
