i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
