She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
