in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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