Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
