I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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