Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
