Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
