If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
